Whatever

So against better judgement I tested and there is the faintest of positives. Trigger was 11 days ago and I am not sure if it is the end of the trigger or the beginning of something real. And with that the negativity flooded in, who am I kidding that this will work. Nothing has ever worked why would this. I feel defeated and I am only 6dp3dt is it over am I crazy to think a positive would have showed up by now? I am extremely grumpy today and really sick of the progesterone suppositories. If it is over just let it be done already. Stupid me for testing. I guess the other side of the fence is when I test on Tuesday and it by some freakin miracle positive it is real and not my imagination. But right now I feel like I let myself get all excited for nothing. Fuck me, how could I be so stupid to think this would work? I want a xanax so bad it is ridiculous. I feel like I cannot breathe. Is this over yet???