Sunday, December 13, 2009

Yuletide and Good Cheer

What a difference a year makes. It was only last year I was battling through my baby blues, yet another Christmas with a hole in my heart. It is very surreal to be in my skin right now. Every day that passes I am filled with more hope, more love, and more happiness. This Christmas will be so different than all the others before it. And next year's will be exciting as well. I feel so thankful for my blessings, my friends and family. My brother, sister and I will be together this year. I cannot remember the last Christmas we shared.....five, six, seven years ago??? And it is especially important as my brother is serving our country in California. My sister will be joining him in March. So I am not sure when we will get to be together again.
I also miss my Dad terribly around this time. I always tried to make his holidays special. After he and my Mom divorced the holidays took a toll on him. I miss him so much but I know he is no longer in pain in this world but at peace in the next.

And last....I want to give some of you hope out there. Anyone who may be reading this and suffering with infertility. In the beginning of November I sent some left-over meds to someone about to cycle. She seems to be the epitome of strength. At 42, trying for a child for 15 years. Onto her third IVF. Only this time she was vigilant with her own care and made suggestions to the her RE, different meds, a different protocol. And just this last week her second Beta came back positive over 230! So ladies, do not give up on your dream. I am so happy for her and her husband. She has some hurdles to get over but the main was has been jumped and cleared! May God bless all of you with your dream come dust and God Bless!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Thanksgiving.....has taken on an entirely new meaning this year. This quite possibly could be the most important Thanksgiving I will ever have.
1) In an effort to give back and do something to show my gratitude to the universe for the gift I have been given, I donated my last remaining meds to a fellow sista in need. My first thought was to try an r-coup some of the thousands of dollars we spent on them. But that was fleeting, immediately I thought to donate. So I am keeping a close eye on my donation praying it brings her the same happiness and joy it did me.
2)Family-My brother has successfully made it through Navy boot camp and "A" School. He graduated with a 97.5 and was allowed to pick his station for the next 2 years. He is currently in Mirimar California, yes where they filmed Top Gun!!! He is doing better than I could have prayed for! And my sister, inspire3d by my brother and his accomplishment at 33 years of age has joined the Army. Yes (Tobes)you read that right. And because of her aptitude testing and schooling she already has, she is slated for a very high level position as well as potential Officer Candidate School. I am blown away and beyond words how proud I am of her. Her technical job title will be "Patriot Missle Launch Technician". So proud....which brings me to my next selfless act for this year. To support my Brother and Sister in their endeavours I am looking to join the USO or some kind of support for the military. They are doing their part I will do mine.
3) Last Thursday we found out we were having a BOY. It is what I have always dreamed of, imagined, longed for, wished for. I have always wanted a little boy to share with my husband, that when I looked into his his sweet young eyes I could see my husband staring back at me. Yes, the best Thanksgiving ever.
4)My wonderful support team, my dear friends. On Friday I received the sweetest package from one of my dearest friends. My first "baby" gifts. And the coolest Longhorns Onesie!!! Without their support through the last couple of years I am not sure where I would be. So thank you!!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

18 Weeks 4 Days

So far so good! We find out the sex on Thursday. I cannot wait. It all still feels a bit surreal, but I am enjoying every minute of every day. I am blessed hat so far it has been un-eventful. And I think I made a decision this morning. That once we know the sex and I hit 20 weeks I am going to switch this over to a baby blog. And I would love for anyone that follows this blog to come on over to the next. And of course I understand if you do not. I am sending loads of baby dust out there to my sisters that need it and a special prayer that a happy ending is in sight!
See you back here on Thursday to see what we are having!!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

15 Weeks

I cannot believe it is 15 weeks already. It is like it is flying by but going slow at the same time. I definitely look the part right now. I cannot keep my hands off myself these days. I have to rub, like making a wish on Buddha's Belly.

On Wednesday I woke up at 2am with some pain in the lower right side, and it was not going away. By 9 I was concerned. I called the OB's office and asked if they would see me Wednesday instead of today. They got me in within the hour and I saw the midwife, I told her about the pain and started looking for the heartbeat. Tooak a couple of minutes but she found Bubsy....lower right side! And I told her it felt almost like an ovarian cyst pain, and she laughed she said," the baby found a toy to play with your ovaries! " And after that I been feeling movement ever since. Mainly at night. So beautiful and amazing. I get dizzy thinking about how my wildest dream is just about to come true!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Tiny Miracle

About the size of a precious as precious can get. I am in love already and have not yet even met the little miracle inside me. I talk to my tummy every morning and I thank God and then I thank little bubs for hanging around. I tell my bubs to keep growing healthy and strong because you are much wanted and much loved already. I cannot even imagine what it might be like to hold little bubs someday. It seems like an eternity sometimes and then it seems like a blink of an eye and I will strain to remember being pregnant.
I tell you what though it is not all easy. Headaches, tired, moody, hungry, nauseous, swollen......all things I welcome with open arms. I am sure Mr. S could tel you a thing or two about hormones and how crazy they have made me......hee hee. I have gotten better though. Tomorrow starts 13 weeks the final week in the Frist Trimester. I am so blessed to be here and will not take one second for granted. (No matter how lousy I feel.) 27 weeks left.....not a long time at all.
Anatomy scan is in November, that is the next time I get to see bubs. But I will get to hear a heart beat on Oct 9th my next OB appointment. So that will give me some reassurance for a while.
I am also excited because my girlfriend at work just told me she is pregnant and due the same week as me! She kept it this entire time a secret because she said she did not want to steal my spotlight. I was so touched by her thoughtfullness. All though I would have been elated anyway....I hope I do not come accross as someone who is needy like that. I think she is just nice like that though. So now I have a partner in crime! We talk baby stuff every day. And looks like maternity leave will be the same time so we both have someone to hang out with when the time comes! I was seriously starting to think how lonely I would be, all our family is in New York. So this make is a little bit easier!
Family......where to start. So my Sister-in-Law is also pregnant and due the same week as me. And I really tried to embrace it and befriend her and use it as an oppurtunity to become closer. but I realize now that it will not happen. There is just too much back story for just this little blog. Bottom line is I have made every attempt to contact her and keep in touch and nothign works. So why bother continue to get hurt by someone. I feel bad it is my husbabd's sister. But I am not going to intentionally let myself get hurt by her. I wish we were closer but she chooses to not have a relationship. It has also been brought to my attention that she has said that if my in-laws come to visit me and the new baby she will be pissed. Pissed because she has two kids already and will need help while she has the third. What balls right? We have worked so hard to have this miracle and it is our first and that is the person she is. So guess what, not bothering with her at all. After all, I have a little miracle growing and I need to think happy thoughts and not be stressed by the likes of her.
End on a hppay note.....look back at the picture....awe!

Friday, September 11, 2009

Precious Sounds

Today was my 11 week check up and I got to hear the babies heartbeat. Probably the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. I was so excited I forgot to ask what the heart rate was, but I called and left a message with the nurse to let me know. It was a fast visit really nothing else was done. i thought I would get an internal exam, but no. Which is fine by me! So far things are going great and I am thankful ever single day!

Might be time to turn this into a pregnancy after infertility blog!!! And god willing...a Mommy after pregnancy after infertility blog!! Baby Dust to all who need it! My thoughts are with you that there is an end to your journey!

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Tomorrow is my 35th Birthday. A number I have been dreading for several years. In all the statistics you read 35 is a fertility marker for women. A marker of time, of what time is left. And as much as I worried endlessly about would we or would we not have children, I worried more about this number. Because of what it symbolized to me. And like all other holidays "would I be pregnant this year during my birthday?" game would be played. Well this year could not be more special. I feel like I beat the odds and I am a success story in the making. That yes, you can! And I am!

It does not come easy, the worrying never stops. Is everything ok? I don't feel as nauseous as I did yesterday, what does that mean? Is my stomach changing? It is a constant battle to keep these thoughts from taking over. I thank God every day for another pregnant day and pray that little bubs is doing ok. I used to go on and on about how I wanted a boy. Now I don't even care, I just want and bubs. I am going t throw the worrying away tomorrow and just enjoy my 9 week 4 day tummy!