So...I have to say I have nothig but respect for anyone who has gone through this process more than once. I KNOW that I could not do this again, mentally or physically. It is amazing to me just how strong you have to be. I am on my second period of the month now. or so I guess....I think my poor body is just so confused at the moment. I had what they call "break through bleeding" for like 7 days just stopped finally last week. And last night all of sudden here come cramps again and more need for femine products. And it dawned on me this morning while I was driving ro work...."embrace the process". Don't hate it don't fight it. Just go with it and let it move like the energy in the universe around you. So that is my mantra for the day, for the weekend. Let it move through me and embrace the process.
It is so hard not to skip ahead and start thinking about all the wonderful "baby" things I could buiy, or how we would tell family. I seriously had to picture myself pushing those thoughts out of my head. Just like Adelle says..."I build my self up, and fly around in circles waiting as my heart drops..." And that is what I do time and time again. I imagine all these wonderful things and scenarios only to be utterly dissapointed in the end. so there is a fine line between being hopeful and positive and setting oneself up for a hard fall. I can only stand by and watch as if this is someone else's journey and wait to see what happens.
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen."