Sunday, June 14, 2009

RE Visit #4

OK, so yesterday I went back for an ultrasound to find out if the cyst was still an issue. Good news I can start my Lupron. I wish the visit put me on a high with this good news but it was not that great of a visit. While I appreciate that the nurse opened the clinic just for me on Saturday I am still disturbed by our conversation. Or should I say....her bitching me out? I was in complete shock that I just had nothing to say and I did one of those sat there in shock. Stunned by what had happened. We had a small mis-communication. No big deal but she flew off the handle scolding me and saying things that have stuck and I HATE THAT! When I can replay it in my head over and over and let it affect my confidence. And some of the things she said I need to know but I do not need it yelled at me and scolding me. Basically what happened was....we were discussing next appointments. I start my Lupron and the next steps are crucial. She asked "what days are better for me to come" I told her if I HAD to choose Fridays are easier but prefer Sat so I do not have to take off so much work. Well she goes away for 15 minutes comes back and starts giving me my dates. And I realize oh shit. July 4th I have to come back July 4th? So as I am ready to leave I feel I have to ask if that is negotiable like can I come the day before the day after and she frigain wigs out on me! "Jeanine, that is why I went through the whole song and dance about days you could come. You are just like everybody else. " What?? I am?? We sort of have a work party and I didn't want to send my husband on his own is all. And in my head I ma thinking you asked me what days were good fro me? Not what days in July I could not come because for vacation or work? So was PISSED she went back to her calendar and was gone for like 15 minutes...then I remember oh shit In laws are coming in July am I going to over lap that? And what is convenient for my husband? I was just super overwhelmed. If this was not all enough. She comes back in a huff and lectures me about how their job is to amke a baby and we paid money and how I am over weight and she needs to see me certain days to identify if the meds will get sucked in by my extra fat. How I am border line PCOS and need to be monitored. What???? PCOS? News to me!!! So now I have my IVF nurse utterly pissed at me because I mis understood what she said. And apparently I am borderline PCOS which was devistating to me. I just do not do well with people being mad at me at all, and now I am scared to death that I have not worked hard enough to make this work. If I would have known about the PCOS thing I would have done more or ate better. I mean I have been recently and it has been in the back of my mind my weight. And now it is too late to fix any of that. I can't loose 10 ponds in a week so if this does not work will I ever forgive myself? And all this self doubt is from one conversation with my nurse. I completely respect her/them and she has done the right thing by me, I am seriously hoping she was just having a bad day. And now I have to some how let all this go and try to ge through the rest of this process.

I feel better now I guess, it's out there and now I just have to move on and see what happens. Later......the obligatory "meds" photo. Yes, I will dazzle you with my meds! Scary.

1 comment:

  1. Ugh! Yeah - I hope she was having a bad day too. I am getting the tests done for PCOS because I have many of the symptoms. Fingers crossed.