Waiting Still........

So I just do not know anymore. I am trying to work all this out but it is so hard. Why can't I just forget about children and be happy with life? I don't know and it tortures me. And my husband. He is not in the same place as I am and I am forcing the issue. He has no interest what so ever I am alone in this. So do I just go ahead and make appointments and hope he shows up? WTF? Why can't he just help me? And want this just a little. Instead he talks on and on about buying another house for an investment. If we can do that we can surely afford an IVF. It is never the right time it is never a priority. I am almost to the point of giving up. I don't want to talk to anyone (family that is) friends sort of understand at least they try. On Saturday I got a call from a family member who knew about the IVF and I am not sure how the hell she found out. I am usually sad when they do not call me but I tell you what it is easier when they do not call then to have to Field questions about the IVF and kids and what is going on. I just want to crawl in a ball. How the hell does she know??? I am not sure why that bothered me so much still do not know. Just nothing I want to talk about with her. So he will not talk to me about this and I am getting spent over it. Will he win and just suck the will out of me for kids so he does not have to spend any money?? Does anyone have an answer? Why is this so fucking hard? Work is fine everything is ok, he was told that he is not loosing his job so that should be more than enough to go on with the plans. But there are so many excuses and I am getting tired. I don't get it. Bottom line I am making appointments he shows up great if not I am not sure what will happen next. I just wish he was a little with me on this or at least could talk to me.